Bible Man
It's a bird. It's a plane. Oh, no, wait. . . it's BIBLEMAN.

Sushi Fortune Telling
This is just so damn cute. I'm hungry now.

Disney's Dinosaur Film Is Turning Children Into Sex Maniacs!
In the name of everything decent! Landover Baptist always makes me smile.
"Once again, dinosaurs are being used to pollute our children’s minds and turn them wantonly to promiscuous, deviant sex acts. Barney taught our youngsters that it was just fine and dandy to be a big flaming sissy who wears outrageously homosexual colors like purple. The creatures in this film take that lesson one step further into the pit of promiscuity..."

How To Android.com
gyeah!

almost.org: tales of near-sex experiences
"They say the average person spends almost 3 months of his or her life having sex. Almost.org is dedicated to chronicling the other 72 3/4 years.
Almost.org is an anthology of near-sex experiences. Our stories range from the sad and pathetic to the humorous and pathetic."

There's only one piece here right now, but it is good. I like the concept of the site.

uber.nu
A new piece of writing every weekday? From the writers of this, this, this, this, and this? It sounds like it will be a pretty fun read.

Cosm
A cool little movie.

My Miserable Life
Someone's always got it worse than you, and sometimes it's good to go and read about it.

Brand X
Kind of a varied sampling of web journals, it seems. I like the idea of it.

Daily Bleed: June 26
This is the Daily Bleed for my birthday. Festivals for ranting and vaporing, and dancing with sheep? Sounds about right to me, actually. Also, the writer of Berlin Alexanderplatz Alfred Döblin died on my birthday. I have a New German Cinema connection.

For the current Bleed (from an anarchist slant), click here, and to find your own birthday, click here.

The Periodic Table of Poetry
This is an interesting idea. I'll always remember Scandium, Titanium, Vanadium, and Chromium. Atomic numbers 21, 22, 23, and 24. Sc(ience) Ti(eacher) V(ery) Cr(uel). Oh, the things one retains from ninth grade chemistry.

Fray
This is really nice. Stories, illustrations, and photos. Just cool to look at.

Re: Need help with demon-possession
If you don't like death and black metal, you might not find this as hilarious as I do. But for those that do, this is priceless.

I got into an argument maybe a year or so ago with a guy on this messageboard (about how much Stryper sucked and their term "un-black" metal), but unfortunately it was lost in whatever "clean up" they did. Too bad; I was really proud of it. There's nothing like getting a Christian to think critically to start off one's day.

Dumb Criminal Acts
I'm no criminal mastermind, but these people leave me in the dust. Don't believe me?

"An Indiana man broke into McDonald's early one morning. When police officers pulled up to the drive-through window and asked the man what he was doing, he promptly replied he was a burglar. When officers went inside to arrest the man, they found him trying to open a safe with a hamburger spatula."

Doug's Nuts
Maybe I shouldn't find this site as funny as I do, but check this line out: "Follow your nose to Doug's Nuts - you will find me, guaranteed."

Newgrounds Shooter
Fun!

Tards
This is a photo comic strip about a trailer-park-dwelling idiot named Gordon, a nudist named Ned, and a sweater-wearing frog (who is probably the most normal character). I like it mostly because of the facial expressions. Wondrous stuff.

Squirrel Hazing: The Untold Story
"It was once thought that humans were the only animals to engage in ritualized hazing. As it turns out, squirrels have been engaging in the practice since the birth of their species. From cheek stuffing to car racing...anything goes for these wantonly self-destructive creatures. . . . Squirrel hazing isn't limited to one geographical location. In fact, squirrel hazing has been witnessed all over the world. Wherever squirrel hazing has been witnessed, squirrel "observers" have been seen nearby."

X-Ray Archive
What is this page, you ask? X rays of people's pelvises, which reveal the various random items that some people have had to have professionally removed from their asses. For more craziness, check out the rest of the Rectal Foreign Bodies Page.

Balls on Picks
James Lileks always knows how to make my esophagus slam shut with terrible force. This site is proof that the gag reflex can be triggered by cookbook alone.

Be sure to go back to the beginning of the 500 Snacks Cookbook. It's all pretty hideous.

Ask Susan
Thank dead hindu gods and felix the cat for email.

Pay Lars
Hey, everyone needs a good laugh. Pay Lars. I mean, he's struggling, man. Buy the man some ketchup for his mac 'n' cheese. Oh god. I'm falling out of my chair.

RICO? Suave.

The Testicle Festival
This is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard of for a long time. Hmm. A festival consisting of bull testes-feasting, leering men, and booby-exposure? I dunno about this.

Viceland: Fashion Dos and Don'ts
"The sneakers and denim give her shrewd magnetism a real zing like she could make fun of you and then jump over your head." This is my favorite magazine, and it's Canadian too. Weird. Hooray for sassy, hip Canadian kids.

This about sums up Vice Magazine: "Cutting edge news stories with a slightly retarded angle or cutting edge retarded stories with a slightly intelligent angle. Send us cartoons and things of you with a microphone too." Here, here.

Anorexic With Pride Guestbook
This guestbook freaks the hell out of me. The main site does, too. But the guestbook. . . there are so many entries. . . it's just scary.

Baby's First Throwing Star
See, my kids, being future ninjas, are going to have to learn early. Not only will they be throwing rubber ninja stars from age one, they will also have to wear sacks (ninja weaponry being expensive) and prowl the neighborhood on stealth missions.

Our neighbors are going to hate us.

And it might not be that good an idea to have kids that are way stronger than oneself. . . but I'll figure something out.